Idaho Trip- May 23-29, 2012

Here are several pictures we took during our trip back to Idaho for Owen's funeral (all from my phone). Our flight was May 24 at 9 am so we decided to drive down to San Antonio the evening before so we wouldn't have to get up in the middle of the night to get to the airport. (We live 2 hours away from the airport!) So Wednesday night after dinner we let the boys go swimming at the hotel. It helped get all of their pent-up energy out of their system and gave us a little time to spend with them since we hadn't really seen them for the past 3 days or so.     

 Parker figured out he could do back dives into the pool and was actually pretty good at it! (Of course now he tries to do back dives at every pool...the lifeguards frown upon it though!!)

On Memorial Day we took the boys to the park for a little bit and they got to ride the Merry-Go-Round. I didn't really get the greatest picture, but this will have to do! They loved it :)

We left Idaho on Tuesday morning, May 29 and decided to take the boys to Temple Square for a little bit before heading to the airport. It had been a LONG time since we had been there and the boys hadn't ever been there. I wish we had more time though because we didn't really get to see a whole lot or take a lot of pictures. We hoped walking around would help tire them out for the 2 flights we had back to Texas. (It didn't, at least for the first flight, they were just cranky and tired the whole time!! The 2nd flight they were perfect angels and slept the entire time! I'm sure it helped that it was like 8pm and they hadn't had a nap all day long.)

 These were in the Children's Museum (which I had no idea they had!). They got to go fishing, play in a kitchen and pretend garden (complete with clucking hens with plastic eggs under them!), build towers with giant life-size foam blocks, and many other hands-on things too. It was awesome and they loved it!

 This was a little log cabin you could go look in that was just outside of the museum.

It was nice to spend a lot of time with our family, it would have been better under different circumstances, but nice just the same. Our first flight went to Phoenix and we had a 3 hour layover so my dad, step-mom, both sisters and Chris' sister and family all came to hang out with us for awhile, which made the time not so boring and long!! It was great to see everyone and the boys had fun hanging out with their aunts and cousins and grandparents! When we finally got to San Antonio it was almost midnight, so we stayed the night at a hotel again and just took our time the next morning (May 30th) to get up and head home. 

Memorial Day- May 28, 2012

Today was pretty low key for us. We went up and visited Owen one more time, and the weather was so much nicer, still pretty cold, but not rainy! Then we went and had lunch with Chris' family at Pizza Pie Cafe. It was nice to spend a little more time with them too before heading back to Texas. 

Tyler looking at the flowers on his great-grandmother's grave.

 It broke my heart when Parker said he wanted to dig Owen up and bring him home with us.

Every.Single.Time we pass a cemetery Tyler say's "Baby Owen?!" It's amazing how he recognizes what a cemetery looks like anywhere, without us even pointing it out.

The Funeral - May 26, 2012

Just three long days after Owen was born we all hopped on a plane back to Idaho for his funeral. And after 6 hours of driving, 3 airports and 2 different airplanes we were back home and surrounded by lots of family. The whole week was a huge whirlwind but it was nice to be around so much family, I just wish it hadn't gone by so fast. It seemed like there was just so much to do for the funeral, with getting a plot, contacting the funeral home in Idaho, and contacting the cemetery, and the bishop of our last ward and picking out a headstone that it seemed stressful at times. However, even with everything that needed to be done, we were so blessed with amazing people that helped get everything in order for us. Chris' grandparents had a stillborn baby too and were only using half of the plot that they bought for him so his grandpa generously donated the other half of their plot to Owen. We are so thankful to him for that and are so happy for Owen to be buried next to family. Chris' office manager helped us so much also with booking our flights, reserving the church just in case it rained, and opening their house up for a luncheon and we are so grateful for her and everything she did for us.

Owen's funeral was on Saturday, May 26 in Menan, Idaho. We had planned on just doing a graveside service, however since it was raining and cold we moved it to the church. It was a beautiful service and we were so blessed having most of our family there. My dad, step-mom and sister drove up from Arizona, my mom flew in from Washington and my aunts and uncles and grandparents, chris' parent's, most of his siblings, grandparents, aunt and one of our really good friends all were there with us. After the service we drove over to Little Annis Cemetery to dedicate the grave. When we were ready to leave the cemetery we all headed up to the luncheon. We weren't even planning to have a luncheon because it was just one more thing we would have to take care of; however, the relief society of our last ward offered to put it together for us, which was amazing because we were only in that ward for a few months and had only gotten to know a few people.

Even though this day was probably one of the hardest days, I felt such a great sense of peace knowing that this wasn't really goodbye and that we would see him again someday. I am so grateful for the plan of salvation and that we will have the chance to raise him in the next life. I really think that this knowledge has helped me deal with all of this and made it just a little bit easier.

Owen's casket is called a Daisy so I wanted to have daisies for the flowers and now whenever we see a daisy we will remember him. Chris' aunt did the flowers for us and they were beautiful.

Our Little Angel

One month ago, on May 21, 2012 I gave birth to our stillborn son at 35 weeks at 3:13 pm in Fredericksburg, Texas. We named him Owen Bruce Bell, his middle name is my dad's middle name. He was 5 lb 14 oz and 19 inches long. Everything had been going well throughout the pregnancy, strong heartbeat, ultrasounds all looked great, all my tests were normal the whole time, so we were all in shock when we found out. Here is the story. (I'm sorry, it's long, mainly for me to be able to remember...there are some pictures at the end)

On Sunday, May 20 after church we decided the head up to the hospital to check the baby because I hadn't felt him move all day and couldn't remember if I had felt him on Saturday or not. I knew I had felt him on Friday. I kept telling myself that he was alright and that he was just too cramped in there and taking a long nap, but in the very back of my mind I was still worried that things were not alright. We checked ourselves in and got situated in our room in the labor and delivery department and my nurse, Jaime (who was my nurse the whole time and simply amazing!), came in to listen to his heartbeat. She was having a really hard time trying to locate the heartbeat and kept picking up mine. As I was starting to get more and more worried as what seemed like minutes were passing and she still couldn't locate it, she told me several times that sometimes the baby is positioned just right with their hands or something in the way and it's really hard to find the heartbeat. Her telling me that sort of reassured me that he was okay. However, after a couple of minutes she decided to do an ultrasound to see what was going on. She called the ultrasound tech to come up but in the mean time brought in the ultrasound machine and tried to look for herself to see if she could see the heart beating. When she started looking she wasn't 100% sure if she had found the heart, but she thought that she had found it and that it wasn't beating. The actual ultrasound tech showed up a few minutes later and confirmed to us that in fact his heart was not beating anymore. Nothing could have prepared us for that type of news and it took us several days for the reality of him not being alive to really sink in. I mean, after all I had just had a doctor's appointment 5 days before and everything was great, I had just felt him moving a TON 2 days before and then in the blink of an eye he was gone.

We then had to decide when we wanted to deliver him, that night or wait until the morning so we could try to get some sleep. We had all these decisions to make all of a sudden, not just about delivery but about the funeral and how to get him back to Idaho to be buried, etc. that we weren't prepared for at all. We decided to wait until the morning so I could try to get some sleep. However, they started me on something to soften my cervix more that night to make it easier in the morning. After an hour - hour and a half my contractions started getting more regular and more painful so they decided to just stop it and let me sleep. It did do something though in that short time, I dilated from a 1 to a 2, but was grateful to get a little rest after my contractions slowed back down.

In the morning they started me on the Pitocin and things were going fairly slowly, which was fine because my doctor was at her other office about 20 minutes away until around 1 pm. By about 1 or so I was ready to have my epidural so that it would be working by the time my doctor got there to break my water. Jaime, my nurse, was raving to me about the anesthesiologist and how good he is, so that helped put me at ease. We sent Chris to go get lunch, since he passed out when I got my epidural with Tyler! Jaime was right, the anesthesiologist was fast and it wasn't as bad as I remember it being in the past, so I was pleased. However, it seemed like the medicine was stronger on my left side than my right, to the point where I couldn't even move my left leg so I could move to my side, but I could move my right leg just fine. I should have taken that as a sign, but didn't. My doctor broke my water around 2 pm and I was dilated to a 6. And about 2:45-2:50 I could feel both my legs again and I was also starting to feel my contractions, but only on my right side. Oh man were they painful and I have a whole new respect for those who choose to spend countless hours in labor without an epidural!! My nurse called the anesthesiologist again to come give me more medicine because the button they gave me to push for more wasn't working, however it took them like 15 minutes to get there and by that time it was too late because the baby was coming. I pushed 3 times and he was out. I had a whole flood of emotions going through me all at the same time, which was overwhelming and exhausting all at the same time. The most difficult part of the whole thing was delivering him and not hearing him cry or see him move. I chose not to see him until he was cleaned up, and until I had a little more time to process what just happened. This was by far the most difficult thing Chris and I have had to deal with and is one of those things you never think will happen to you. It all felt like one huge dream that I was sure I would wake up from.

Tears filled my eyes as I held his perfect little body in my arms and I couldn't help but wish I could bring him home with us. We started wondering what he would have looked like as he grew up and got older, how tall he would have been (his fingers were long and his feet were huge!), what his personality would have been like (he was the most active little guy in the womb, so I can only imagine that he would have been a handful like his brothers). Those few hours we were able to spend with him were the most precious moments and I wish time would have stopped for awhile so we could have spent even more time with him. Parker and Tyler also came to see their little brother. Parker didn't seem to really care what was going on, but Tyler seemed to know something was wrong. He would just sit and stare at him from a distance and didn't really want to get close to him at all. We don't know if he had a little jealousy or if he knew something wasn't right. The hardest time was when we had to turn him over to the funeral director because at that moment we knew we weren't going to be able to see him anymore and it made it even more real that he really wasn't coming home with us.

One of the other difficult things was not having an ounce of family close to us. However, even though we didn't have any family here our Branch has been amazing! We were definitely so blessed to be in the branch we are in. Our primary president willingly watched the boys the whole time we were in the hospital, a few people came to visit us. A couple members of the branch presidency came and helped give Chris and I blessings, which was really nice and comforting. And the whole branch was just aching to help in any way they could. We really couldn't have made it through without them. When we got back from Idaho they had meals all set up for the next several days and several people came to say hi and see how we were doing, brought us cookies, and offered to help however they could. It was simply amazing. The two other families that are here with us from Idaho have also been a huge help. We came home to a clean house, and dinner in the fridge, which they had done for us. Words could not express how that made us feel.

Even though this experience was so difficult to go through, and one that no one should ever have to go through, I feel I have been a lot stronger than I thought I would be. I feel my strength has come from the priesthood and father's blessings I received, and the knowledge of the plan of salvation and that I know I will be able to see him and hold him in my arms again.  We are so blessed to know this and I know it has made this trial just a little bit easier. Owen was special enough to not have to go through the trials of mortality and the knowledge that our Heavenly Father has entrusted us with this special little person is such a blessing and a comfort. Not a day goes by though where I don't think about him and wish that he was here with us.

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep came and took these amazing photos for us so we can always remember our little angel. I just love them and am so grateful for their wonderful organization and for these memories!

Splish Splash Splosh - May 19, 2012

We decided to get the boys a little pool for the boys to cool off in when I didn't feel like going to the big pool. It's awesome and the boys love it!

Mother's Day - May 13, 2012

Today was such a nice and relaxing day. And a day I needed after the horrible week I had prior to Mother's Day. The boys were both sick all week long and I had spent every day cleaning up throw-up (3 times happened to be in the car, in the car seat!) and changing nasty diapers...oh the joys of being a mother!! Needless to say, we decided to stay home from church so we didn't get any of the other kids sick in nursery and primary. So I was able to just relax, take a nap, do some scrapbooking, and not have to change ANY diapers or clean up ANY messes!!! That right there folks was the best present I could have ever gotten!! 

A Day in San Antonio

Yesterday we spent the entire day in San Antonio. We met up with the two other families who are here with us and took turns watching all of the kids while each couple went to the temple for an hour or two. It was beautiful and we were so glad we were able to go! Afterwards we all went out to lunch at Firehouse Subs. It was this cool little sandwich place that was all decorated with fire-related stuff. The kids meals even came with a fun fire hat, which of course the boys loved! The subs were DELICIOUS!!! We were quite pleased with the food and how it tasted. They had this cool little soda machine that had at least 120 flavors and it had a touch screen where you pick your flavor and then fill your cup up, it was pretty cool.

Such a little ham!! 

 The best shot I could get of 5 of the 8 kids!!

After lunch we all went our separate ways, everyone wanted to see/do something different. We had planned to go to this fun water park I found that actually opened last weekend (it is the only one that is open right now!!) We figured we should take advantage of it being open this early because of it being 98 degrees (didn't feel that hot once we were in the water, it was so nice!) and me only having about 3 more weeks before I can't travel anywhere until after the baby gets here. We went to Splashtown San Antonio and it was a blast! By the time we got there it was just after 4 so we got the discounted evening price and we just stayed until it closed at 7. They had the most amazing kid's area with TONS of slides that most of which even Tyler could go on! And these slides weren't little chincy short slides, they had all different lengths and styles that were similar to adult slides, just shorter with a slower water flow. They boys loved it and was so fun watching Tyler play this year, since last year he was only crawling. It was also nice because Parker didn't need to have a life jacket on because it was only about 2 ft deep or so! The only thing was Chris and I weren't really able to go on any of the slides, mainly because of my current condition and it really took two of us to watch the boys. It was awesome though because it wasn't crowded AT ALL!! There weren't lines for anything, The kids area wasn't too packed so the boys had plenty of room to run and splash around. We are sad that we probably won't be able to go back while we are here!! 

This was pretty much his reaction to all the slides...he was seriously in heaven!

 Both of the boys loved this slide too (I don't have a picture of Tyler on it though)

Tyler's thing was that he figured out that he could jump/fall face forward and then his life jacket would flip him over to his back and he could just float. He thought this game was the best game ever and every time he'd end up on his back he was say "I tuck, I tuck!!!" We would pick him up and he'd do it again, I think we will be buying a life jacket like this one because it seemed to work really well for him!

 The only picture I got of both boys playing next to each other.

 He wasn't too sure about the water squirting out of this slide, so he decided not to bother with it. Parker wasn't even a huge fan of the water, so he would either walk a few steps past it and go down or at one point we saw him lay down before going through the water and sliding down underneath it! haha 

 Moving on to the next slide...

...Getting into position...

 ...This one he loved and went down several times!

 My favorite boys! :)

32 Weeks

Today I am 32 weeks...only 7-8 more weeks to go!!! I am so ready to be done and be able to walk up the stairs without loosing my breath, EVERY TIME, be able to switch sides when I'm sleeping without making it this huge ordeal that feels like takes 2-3 minutes, and be able to bend over and pick things up off the floor!! Those are just some of the reasons I'm ready to be done..I also can't wait to meet this little guy, who is worrying me with his intense moving abilities!! (I really can't have another rambunctious little guy...I need so calmness people!!) lol So far everything is looking good and he seems to be healthy, which is good. 

 I wasn't really liking the white shirt, so I changed! I have a hard time make my mind up sometimes :)